You know that awkward interval of time between your classes that you originally scheduled with the intent of doing all your homework? Well if there are two things we have learned as second-year college students, it’s that (1) time management is a myth and (2) that time in between your classes is best used experimenting with BC Dining options or launching a new humor blog with your friends in Eagles Nest.
So instead of staring aimlessly at our books, we decided to hit up Dolores in the Rat and enter a world previously unknown to us, launching Chestnut Trill into a whole new world of hands-on journalism. And don’t worry. That’s all it was. Just hand stuff. Instead of balancing T-accounts or deriving instantaneous velocities, our curious minds and empty stomachs lead us down the Rat Runway to the bakery cabinet.
Christmas morning. Winning the World Series. Acing an Orgo test. None of it compares to the sensation of when that tall lanky guy brings out a hot tray of blueberry muffins, just before you are forced to take the runt of the last batch. We exchanged a knowing, slightly sexual nod and patiently waited for him to secure the tray in the cabinet. Napoleon grabbed one and, being the insatiablly curious thinkers that we are, we dared to ask, “Can we press that?”
You’re darn right we can. You might ask why we risked tainting something so beautiful. But why not? We have $1269 left of meal plan money, and “damn bad intentions” as esteemed lyricist Niykee Heaton would say. So we buttered our muffin and headed to the presser. If you’re curious on how to properly press your muffin, check out these easy steps:
Step 1: Cut muffin in half.
Step 2: Carefully place muffin halves face down on the presser after spraying with Pam **must be careful those things are crumbley**.
Step 3: Make sure that thing’s heat is “All the Way Turnt Up” (@RoscoeDash @SouljaBoy). Politely disregard any cautionary postings on the wall advising you to not exceed a 400 degrees. We want grill marks, baby.
Step 4: PRESS. ~then gently release~
Now just remove it with the spatula-machete thing (not the tongs!!). You’ll have yourself a warm, delicious, savory yet sweet snack!
We couldn’t stop with the muffin. Our experience begged the question: what else can we press?
Yogurt? Mac and Cheese? Lo Mein?
There we were: dancing on the fine line of psychotic and revolutionary. We dared to go where no woman has gone before.
We thoughtfully selected 3 more items to press before our 12 o’clocks. We still had thirty minutes.
Jumbo hot dog. Pineapple. Cinnamon roll.
Grilled Jumbo Wiener
Interestingly enough, Napoleon and I had different opinions on the wiener:
Napoleon: 5/10. Honestly yeah I get it the Jumbo Weiners can be intimidating. I didn’t shy away from the challenge; this is invesigative journalism, people. The pressing helped it out, and the result was above average – more than I could’ve hoped or dreamed.
Killa Cam: 0.1/10. GROSS!!!!!!!!!! That $6 Jumbo Wiener mostly likely is not good pressed or un-pressed. Just don’t do it. Everything about that thing is repulsive. The shape. The taste. The smell (see above). If you want to get involved with BC Students Against Jumbo Wieners, contact me.
Grilled Pineapple with Brown Sugar Glaze: 6/10
Call me Barefoot Contessa. We whipped this up in ~4 minutes.
Grilled Cinnamon Roll: 7/10
As we said, college is a time to experiment. Investigate those questions that the world needs answers to. We encourage you to explore the magis in the BC dining halls – and report back to us with your findings. Cura Personalis, bitches.
Also- as if the day couldn’t get any better- we ran into Clinton “What Not to Wear” Kelly on our way to class! What a time to be alive.