Tips for Girls

tumblr_njn1lyRrJO1qdgudso1_500

Every girl is awesome the way they already are. Observing these tips is not essential. First and foremost, be yourself. You’re great. With that being said, the guys have satirically assembled the following cheat sheet on how to go the extra mile to win our hearts over. It goes as follows:

Do’s

Bring us food. Not in the stereotypical “make me a sandwich” way. We don’t expect you to prepare us a meal. You’re not a maid. But nothing is more meaningful than the occasional “Do you want anything from late night?” text. Try it out and reap the dividends immediately.

Laugh. If you have a sense of humor you instantly become more attractive. Just don’t take it too far and laugh at everything we say.  

Order yoga pants. ‘Tis the season. Head over to Lululemon and pick yourself up a pair today. Thank us later.

Wear sundresses. A highly underrated asset. There’s something about seeing a girl strolling through the quad in a new red dress. A true thing of beauty.

Just text us first. In an age of feminism and the quest for gender equality it’s unfair to place all the responsibility on the men to initiate a conversation. You’ll be surprised where it gets you.

Own glasses. An incredible tool that is not utilized nearly enough. Librarians and secretaries will forever hold a special place in our hearts.

tumblr_inline_myxrkbhUKR1r6ja8p

Be comfortable in your clothes. Dress for success. If what you’re wearing is making you uncomfortable, it’s probably not worth it. No need to take the time doing makeup on a Monday morning while I’m sleepwalking through my econ discussion looking like death.

Smile. A girl’s best accessory. Take it from Chip Skylark. A real gamechanger.

giphy-1    ShinyTeeth-400

Others:

Eat. Be happy with what you look like. It’s painful to see girls eating nothing but iceberg lettuce day in and day out. Not eating is not cool.

High-waisted shorts. The end of summer means the retirement of daisy dukes until spring comes again. They will be dearly missed. 

Support our sports teams. October is a great time: playoff baseball and the middle of another NFL season. Even if you hate sports, don’t make me feel bad for enjoying them. It’s an eventful time and we’d like you to come for the ride.

Don’ts

50+ second snap stories. Just don’t. The basement at 62 Kirk is sick. Venu is cool. We get it. I don’t need to see two minutes worth of videos detailing your every move.  

Heels to class. This is globalization, not Project Runway. I’m in sweatpants and a Patagonia snapback because I haven’t showered today. You’re just making the rest of us look bad.

Degrade our hobbies. I know that I play too much FIFA. You know it. Everyone knows it. But it’s my free time and that’s what I choose to do. Now let me get back to this free kick.

jozy.0_standard_709.0

Be that girl who has a borderline-drinking problem. You drink. We do too. #college. The difference is that we don’t have to include a shot in every snapchat we take. Nor are we constantly blacking out before we leave the dorm room. Stumbling around a mod dropping your drinks is not a good look.

Double-text. There’s rarely a time when we don’t have our phones on us. It’s the 21st century and we’re all addicted. So if we don’t text you back, don’t take it personally: We’re either busy or taking a nap. We’ll get back to you as soon as we can. Waking up to a screen full of texts like:

5ef110492736930be544e681f53b9242

Not wear a jacket out in the winter. I will feel compelled to give you mine as you shiver walking around lower. Now I don’t have a jacket. I’m upset. Let’s avoid this.

Instagram motivational quotes. You are not Aristotle because you took perspectives.

Handjobs. The anti-blowjob. If I wanted one of these I’d do so myself.

Check out tips for guys here

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Tips for Girls

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s