10 Thoughts You’ll Have While Watching Me Play Sports

As the first phase of intramural sports approaches playoffs, I thought I’d weigh in on what sports mean to me.  I’m a member of two intramural teams this fall, soccer and flag football.  Although in their own respective leagues, these teams overlap in a variety of ways. Both have players with varying experience levels, ranging from club-level athletes to the ~hey I’m just here to have fun~ folk. Both teams have clever names, as all IM teams must. Both have leaders willing to take charge and coach on and off the field as needed; if you are part of a co-ed or men’s league team, you probably have about fifteen leaders of this sort (lol you all want to be alpha male, we getttt itttt).

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Both teams have to scramble in the final hours leading up to game time, hastily trying to find actual registered teammates who can make it to the game, or the additional friend of a friend’s roommate’s cousin what’s-her-name who used to play (insert sport here). Lastly, both teams have decided to allow me to participate. And hey, I’m up to the task, and I’ve learned many things from my experience.

Because you don’t have the pleasure of taking a walk in my size 4 youth cleats yourself, I’ll this opportunity to describe to you what might go through your head if you were sharing the field with me.

1. She looks very unsure of herself.
Are you referring to my hesitant motions or the general look of sheer panic on my face when I come in contact with the ball?

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2. She’s probably just doing the whole “fake it ’til ya make it” thing.
Yup.

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3. What did she do in high school? Because it definitely wasn’t this…
Correct:)))) My ballet friends back home laughed when they heard that this was my new “thing.” With my dance training permanently engrained in every muscle fiber of my body, I have no choice but to embrace the fact that, yeah, I look dainty on the field.

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4. If you’ve danced your whole life, why aren’t you coordinated?
I also have weak arms and slow reaction time. Next question.

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5. What’s the most recent jersey this girl has sported anyway?
My Math Team jersey. Have I mentioned that the guys were all over me in high school???!?!?

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6. But her friends are all so athletic!
Mmmhmmm

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7. Aw, she doesn’t intimidate me. She couldn’t hurt a fly.
Maybe I listen to a little Disney music every now and again. So did Baby Marshall Eriksen and she grew up to win a mug. I hope that thought keeps you up at night, BC students.

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8. Ooo that reminds me, I need to ask her about my latest appendage injury/cut/bruise/unexplainable pain after the game.
CSON could’ve warned us about this phenomenon before we started school. BC students trick themselves into thinking that my opinion as a nursing student outweighs that of a trained professional simply because of my proximity to the injured student. RN’t you glad I’m your teammate now?

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9. We’re losing…why isn’t she yelling or screaming or something?
I can’t yell, and I’m not sure why not.

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10. We lost. GET UPSET!
My middle school rec soccer team lost every single game one season. I can handle a loss ok I don’t want to talk about it ok!!!!

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Sometimes I think that people mistake my lack of athletic ability to be a lack of interest. Not true! Ask me about my experience running a basketball camp on a mission trip I was on a few summers ago. Challenge me to play you in Just Dance on our Wii. Gawk as I backwards-skate circles around you in my hand-me-down hockey skates. Sports are far from meaningless to me.

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