Unbiased Drunk Game Previews: Boston College University vs. Duke

*Editor’s note* Pretty sure the author’s BAC was higher than my GPA when he wrote this. Enjoy.

This is my first blog post. This is also my first blog post without my dad. I love you Dad. Dadz rock.

Matchup: Boston College Eagles vs. Duke Blue Devils

Game Date: October thirdrd, 2015 (SATURDAY)

Location: Wallace Wade Stadium (peep the alliteration there. That’s marketing! Pageviews)

How to Watch: This shit is on NESN+, which leads me to believe that the Red Sox have taken over NESN- , but I’m pretty sure we don’t have that channel at BC so we can listen on the radio at channel WEEI 850 AM.

Science Weather: High of 68 degrees. Low of 56. Precipipipitation Ninety%

Home Course Advantage (Rated from 1-10): So I have a friend who transferred from BC to Duke this year (boooooooo. BOO!). I asked him how to get to the stadium and he asked who Wallace Wade was. You do the math. No one will be at this game so the home course advantage is like a 2.

Weather: Yeah so what I’m hearing from my insiders is it’s gonna rain sideways for this one. This isn’t your typical rainstorm folks. this is a hurricane. Like the ones you read about on TV. This one is special tho, it’s called “Joaquin”. Usually they name these hurricanes after real names but I have never met a kid named Joaquin so I’m gonna assume this is will be Wild One (FloRida). Expect the game to be wet, sloppy, and rough in the trenches. JUST HOW I LOVE IT BABY!!!! (John Gruden Voice). Joakim Noah is not the same as Hurricane Joaquin by the way.

Key Injuries: Jon Hilliman broke his body on the lower half. Foot maybe. I suspect he will not be playing. Darius Wade is also hurt. Lower half of the body. Potentially the ankle? I saw him on a golf cart driving towards Walsh the other day (I think he wave at me!) and he was holding a Gatorade bottle filled with a blue substance. My guess is Rubinoff blue raspberry. Chances are that if anyone on the football team is drinking during game week, they are not playing. Expect him to be out AGAIN. Gonna be honest with you here, not quite sure who is injured on the Duke team, but expect two or three keys players to be out. David Cutcliffe, Duke head coach, is pretty damn old so don’t expect anything exciting out of him or else he will slip a disc.

Coaching Factor: David Cutcliffe is 61, so he is older than the Catholic Church and Carney (not the dining hall). Steve Addazio looks like the type of guy who would let you take his daughter on a date, but he would be sitting in the opposite corner of the restaurant bending all of his silverware in half and staring through your eyes. Coaching factor goes to Addazio.

Game Week Quotable from Anonymous Player: “Should be a good time. Should be wet. Should be wild. Outrageous fun, especially from the bench.”

Gameplans: More often than not, when the winds are gusting past 20 mph during a football game, the passing is limited. Add the rain in as a factor and you should expect to see a maximum of 30 passes thrown in this game. Expect Tyler Rouse, Marcus Outlow, and Myles Willis (BC running backs) to carry the load on offense. Actually expect Jeff Smith—the bc qb—to tote the ball quite a lot as well. Also watch out for Troy Flutie throwing a stupid amount of Hail Mary’s that are not completed (hey Troy, a lot of shit flew in the 70’s–like your Uncle’s hail mary, mailing children, and other fun stuff–that does not fly now. Don’t be on shrooms Troy, don’t do it.). Balls are hard to handle in the wet weather so expect a lot of loose balls, a lot of turnovers, and a lot of players wondering where their ball is at. Same goes for Duke. A lot of loose balls from their team too. Ground and pound. Ground and Pound.

Betting Lines: The Eagles are currently a 7 point dog right now. But because of the weather, I am confident that they can cover the spread. BC’s defense is ranked 1st in the country and I see no signs of them regressing in a shitty rain game like this. Duke kind of has a cool defense too, but BC has bigger dudes. Like that kid named Idy who is like 7 foot tall, but is probably on the BC Basketball team. BE A DUDE. DUDES. Long story short, if your friend bets that BC will not cover the spread, bet them every penny in your wallet that they will and just know you are going to make money. Also the over/under is 36.5 points. For those of you who have no idea what that means, it means that you will bet based on whether you think the total amount of points will reach 36.5 points or not. Because Joaquin will be sprinkling all over Wallace Wade’s smug ass face, it is safe to assume that there will be under 36.5 points scored in this game. HAMMER THE UNDER.

Prediction: Boston College will win this game 14-10. Lock it up. Send it in. Expect Rouse to have a filthy game and expect Boston College to limit their turnovers. Thadd Smith will catch two passes and Mike Knoll will release a sick mix tape during half time.

Gameday Beer: Keystone Light. Look for the white can. If you find it, enter the sweepstakes. Then go find Keith, I know he’s out there.

Gameday Mixie: Stick to Diet coke and Raspberry Rubinoff (blackout city). Not a lot of calories, but a lot of questionable decisions.

Gameday Pump-UP Song: Spongebob Squarepants Trap Mix.

 As an aside you have to be absolutely slumped to even remotely enjoy this song.

Weird Game Call of the Week: 

What is bothering me on Campus: Those God Damn handlebarless Segway things. Fuck those. If you have one of those throw it in the garbage before I find you on campus and suplex you. Additionally to the goons on the football team: chances are if you are on the team and you are riding one of those fucking death traps then you are on the resident benchwarming team or Steve Addazio wanted to give you something to do while the rest of the team was at practice. Just don’t ride those, and that’s obvious!

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