BREAKING: Eagle’s Nests Lines Longer Than $1 million Stairs

Ah, the Eagle’s Nest. What is that you might ask? It’s alright I legitimately had no clue that the second floor of McElroy Commons contained anything other than a space to collect dust and a small flat area before the stairs up to Mac (apparently officially called Carney?).

So, as I discovered the amazing oasis that contains everything from the ~Green it~ salad station, to the masterful creations by the goddess herself, Maria, everything changed. The world opened up, and my lunch experience would never be the same.

BUT WHY ARE THE LINES SO MUCH LONGER THIS YEAR? Who else thought that the lines would maybe get better this year?

Well, they didn’t.


How does the length of one measly queue for a mixing of greens and slight additions to a salad make for a line that legitimately spans to the other side of the cavernous dining facility. I understand that the popcorn chicken in the salad line, compounded with the 3 spheres of fresh mozzarella, and multiple options for greens for your salad is tantalizing even to the least healthy of Eag’s Nest goers. But the lines at 11:50 on Monday, Wednesday, Friday makes myself, and I’m sure some of you, both extremely frustrated, and a bit nauseous.

It seems as if the population of Eagles seeking to spend their lunchtime hours in their nest is a bit too fast and furious for hitting it so hard early in the school year. In addition, either we are all very patient, or very stupid for waiting in the lines for what seems like an eternity (really though they definitely take at least 25 minutes).

So what other option do we have? The rat has mac n cheese that is raved about by many students, however our health-conscious population of students may not want all those carbs at noon on a weekday (I specify the time because that same population goes wild at late night for whatever shit food is there – myself included). There is also the tried and true options in regular Mac dining such as the fried rice, shuffle off to buffalo wrap, honey q wrap, etc. If you’re rolling in dough in your flex dining account you can also go hit up Hillside. If you’re early enough there you can get a real and scrumptious omelette that legitimately shits on regular dining hall omelettes, and now they give TWO, count ’em, TWO hash browns along with the omelette. They also have the famed turkey and brie sandwich that will be the cornerstone to your BC experience once it touches your tongue. Hint: get brie on both sides of your bread.

Anyways, the quandary presented by the excessively long line is one that we must tackle together. Let us plan better and not flood Eagle’s Nest right when class ends, maybe? Pop a squat at a table, and settle in, then hit the line once it compresses into the actual area where you get the food. I have no authority so listen to me if you may, or fall prey to the man-eating lines as usual. As always us writers here at Chestnut Trill are here to help and inform you. May Maria have mercy on your Tuscan Chicken.

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