Let me just start off by saying that I will address all complaints about the Patriots squad. I understand your concerns, but first let me just celebrate a little. The Patriots offense looked damn good last night, and I had the fortune of attending the game with friends.
The night started off with a god-fucking-awful drive to Gillette. I honestly thought we were going to Narnia or something to see this game. When we finally got there, the tailgate was already set up and food was waiting. So in retrospect, maybe being late wasn’t so bad. We instantly started eating, drinking excessively, and having a great time. We started kicking the shit with the Spanish people next to us, and it turns out that the Spaniards flew to Boston from Mexico City just for the game. Hmmmm. My suspicions were further aroused when the dudes sparked up a joint in the middle of the fucking tailgate. One of the girls was giving this guy an OTPHJ, and they all quickly earned my respect because #savagemoves.
After some more dank food and good fun, we cleaned up the tailgate and headed for the game.
The game was nuts. The 19 Steeler fans there couldn’t be heard, and Pats Nation was in rare form. Tom Brady looked like the best player in the world (completing 19 straight passes, a franchise record). Gronk, obviously, didn’t have to play in the pre-season, as he caught three of Brady’s four touchdown passes (also had 94 yards on 5 catches). Scott Chandler got a nice welcome to the team with a touchdown, and Edelman, like usual, had 11 catches for 97 yards. On top of all of this, Lewis looked like a typical, irrelevant to the win, Patriots running back. I told you all Brady could make a bucket look good, and he did just that. Tore shit up.
As for the defense, it was a bit of a struggle. Josh Scobee had himself a night to forget, missing two field goals that arguably could have changed the entire outcome of the game. But whatever, he sucks just like Jacksonville. The front seven (who were supposed to be our strong-suit) sucked dick and they let DeAngelo Williams run all over them, marching like a young General Sherman. Now, I know Malcolm Butler got torched on some plays. But for asking a guy who only got a handful of plays last year to then guard the Leagues best receiver I think he did alright. If we cant stop the run it is going to be a long-ass year. But for now we are 1-0 and there’s nothing complaining about the headsets or radio-system will do. Yes I’m looking at you, Mike Tomlin. Let me just include that you were the one who tripped Jacoby Jones as he was running down the field. You’re a cheater too.
Go Pats, and keep it Chestnut Trill