Walsh on Friday nights is notorious for being a hot spot, but I have recently come to the realization that the real hot spot is the line getting in. Below is a compilation of the different types of people you see swiping into Walsh on a Friday night. We’ve all seen them. We all know them. Hell, we are probably one of them, but I am here to define them.
Willy Walsh: Loud and proud you are, Willy! Do you live here?? Do you live here and need to skip the line to get to your “wicked party”?? Do you live here and complain to the security guards who are just doing their jobs?? We get it! The stars aligned for Willy and his 7 bros on that brisk March day, but for now he must bow his head and get in line like the rest of us. The stars have nothing to say about pushing him to the front!
Knowledgeable Nathan: This isn’t your first Rodeo, Nathan. Nathan knew to take the elevators in Maloney vs. the Million Dollar stairs before most freshman figured out Newton is off Campus housing. He has an older junior brother which means he has plans Wednesday night- Sunday night. Nathan is the mediator between all things Freshman and most things Lower.
Ryan the Resident: Ryan is your run of the mill good guy. He is most likely party hopping from off campus to a mod, but realized one of his friends is still sober~~shit~~. Being the grade A friend he is, he voluntarily waits in line so that his friend can pound down a couple shots of Burnett’s back in his room. When you get the chance, give Ryan a pat on the back. He’s a trooper.
Clubbing Courtney’s: Courtney is confused. She seems to think she is entering the Fontainebleau in Miami. Little does she know that her 5 inch wedges and LBD makes us all question her mental state. Please, Courtney, quickly scurry back to Kostka, delete your solo insta, and take a good long look in the mirror. And may God have mercy on your soul.
Post-Puke Pete: Pete was on his way to a mod, puked in the mod lot, recalled that one friend’s older brother’s friend that lives in Walsh and invited himself to their toilet. Keep a safe distance away from Pete, you don’t want to walk into the club (Walsh) like “what up I’m covered in Pete’s puke”
Pajama Patty: I feel for you, Patricia. Patty was hungry. She couldn’t take the pain any longer and decided to venture off into the promised land that is Lower Dining Hall, all in the comfort of her oversized dad tee and boxers. Now she stands in line sandwiched between the Clubbing Courtney’s and the Post-Puke Pete’s of this world. This is not the sandwich she had in mind when journeying to lower!!
Smokeshow Shannon: Oooh Shannon, hot, little, naive Shannon. For now, Shannon must cherish the fact that she has 5% body fat because mozz sticks don’t discriminate and they will find a way into her system 3 nights a week at the very least. Tip for all you boys trying to get into a Mod, bring Smokeshow Shannon… “who do you even know here,” “No one, but I brought three Smokeshow Shannon’s,” “Come in.”
Eric the RD: Eric is a nice person! Eric swears he is a nice person!!!! Eric also has a striking resemblance to Jack Jack from the Incredibles while managing the lines getting into Walsh. Tell me you don’t see it.