Asking for a friend

Here begins a story that happened/is happening to a friend of a friend’s boyfriend’s cousin’s friend. No relation or ties to my life story at all pls no judgement kthanks. This girl’s boyfriend of almost 2 years goes to school about 966 miles away and they donut see eachCLm2-TDUcAAdg4N other often. Physical interaction between the two average about one weekend getaway every other month. I don’t know the specifics because this totally is not about my life, but he just called her ‘bout a week ago (week ago) and was like “I think I want to break up.” Cool. Similar to Joe Jonas breaking up with Taylor Swift in a 13 second voicemail, the phone call lasted a little over a minute. Short, not so sweet, and really fucking confusing.


After three days of silence (aside from the one accidental voice message sent of her breathing), the two Facetimed to talk about it a little more in depth. Gotta try to get some closure, amirite? Because that’s what everyone wants when they break up: just a little closure. Not that I would I know because I have never experienced this. But anyways, my friend (short for friend of a friend boyfriend’s cousin’s friend just for everyone’s sake of reading) even prepared an outlined Google Doc of bullet points asking, “Why?” “Where is this coming from?” “Couldn’t you have picked a better time than when I was walking to class, you ass?!” In addition, the Google D
oc contained some points just in case things took a turn for the worse, including a few crippling jokes about his small penis (which is approximately the size of the mini corn that comes in your fried rice, from what I’ve heard). So the moment comes at 8pm on Labor Day night when my friend Facetimes her (ex?)boyfriend, only to hear that he has no clue what is going on. He doesn’t know if he wants to break up or explore other options. He is having a fifth life crisis. He has no clue what he wants, except maybe to “take a break.” What the fuck is a “break”????????


What is a “break”? I’ve never even broken a bone before. Like seri
ously, I do not know. Does anyone know? Remy Girl do you know? Julius Caesar? Someone please help this girl clarify. Again, asking for a friend. The more confusing part is that even when on said “break”, her boyfriend says he still wants to talk to her. He wants to “hear how school is going” and, wait for it, maybe even still come visit!!! Um, no. All I hear is a description of their current relationship under the new title of a “break.” Tell me this is not mind boggling. In the words of Justin Bieber: what do you mean?


Does a girl wait it out until Thanksgiving and revaluate? Where is the line between being desperate and not wanting to let go? Is this too personal for Chestnut Trill? All of these
are really good questions. I guess we’ll leave it here really vague, just like my friend of a friend’s boyfriend’s cousin’s friend’s relationship. Once again not my life story.

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